


Finding All the Broken Pieces in Hidden Places

by oliwoodslittlesister



Series: Lost and Found [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Becca is a Kindergarten Teacher, Crushes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Grief, Physical Abuse, Relationship Issues, Teacher Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-12-24 12:02:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliwoodslittlesister/pseuds/oliwoodslittlesister
Summary: Becca knows that she has stayed with Owen for far too long, and she's put up with far too much, but she can't bring herself to leave him. Now she's going through the loss of her grandmother and she feels like she's going through it alone. Her only comforts are her fellow teachers, including Gavin - who makes her smile, and her kindergarten class. But, with the principal under fire because of a scandal, her school is threatened to be closed. Can she find the strength within herself to do something?





	1. Sinking and Coughing Up Dirt

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this for a creative writing class during the spring quarter of university. I decided that I wanted to post it because I'm starting to brainstorm for a sequel. I love these characters. I know I didn't go as dark as I could have, and there might be a bit more flashbacks into Becca and Owen's relationship in the sequel. But I also have some ideas for some cuter and lighter scenes if I do write more about Becca. I'm splitting this story up into two parts, because it's too long to post as a single chapter. Please let me know if you like it and I will post the other half soon.

There were spiders in Becca’s hair as she knelt over another open box. Sweat was soaking through her t-shirt. It was tie dye, a remnant of a project she had done with her kindergarten students a couple of months before. Her grandmother’s attic was hot and stuffy, especially compared to the rest of the house. The rooms were drafty and paint around the doors was chipped. Many of the window blinds no longer turned and there were weird places where the floors felt wet and squished underfoot. Floorboards creaked under Becca’s feet as she crept through the house, feeling like an outsider.  
The house had been falling apart as her grandmother’s health had declined. Becca still beat herself up about the fact that she hadn’t been around as much as she would have liked to help her grandmother, but her grandmother had wanted to be alone even before she got sick. As the illness overtook her, she had become more closed off. Whether it was from shame or defiance, she didn’t know. Her grandmother had been the type of person who wanted to act like nothing was wrong from the outside. Her mother’s teenage pregnancy had been one of the many secrets kept under lock and key. 

Now Becca was coming across treasures that she never would have been able to guess her grandmother had kept hidden from her entire family. Among cobweb covered lamp shades, old toys and vintage cameras, she uncovered a dusty old photo album. Curious, she opened it and stared at a photo of her grandmother from fifty years before. The photo had turned yellow and it took her a second to recognize that it was her grandmother. She had gotten so used to her grandmother being the hunch-backed tiny woman with the curly white hair. But here her grandmother was wearing a dark dress, pearls around her neck and a shy smile. Her hair was long and straight, the gap between her teeth unmistakable as Becca brought the photo close to her face. Her grandmother had been beautiful. 

Becca quickly flipped through, taking in an array of photos of what must be her grandma at an obon festival in Japan as a young girl, wearing a kimono and eating onigiri. There was a photo of her holding a fishing pole and standing with her father in front of a lake, her sister at her side. One family portrait of her with her mother, father and five siblings. Becca remembered her grandmother talking about her father getting sick and having to take care of him. And about how difficult those last couple of years in Japan had been. She had kept most of it under wraps, though. She thought about the small bits and pieces of information her grandmother had given away. 

Becca went through more boxes of what she would label as junk. Receipts, a broken record player, dresses that moths had chewed holes in. When she came across a chipped box with purple and gold dragons etched into it, she brushed it off, thinking that it would be just like everything else. But, when she opened it, she was shocked to find a leather notebook bound with string. When she opened it, she saw tiny writing in her grandma’s handwriting. Japanese characters ran across the page and she was glad that she had taken all those years in college learning the language, on top of her mother speaking it at home when her grandmother was present. She had liked to tune into their conversation and had picked up enough throughout the years to read the couple of sentences she took in from the diary. What had her grandmother written so much about? Every single page was filled with her writing.  
Becca quickly put the photo album, along with the diary, into the navy blue bookbag with the straps that had been falling apart for years next to her. She would definitely be revisiting it later. It was weird to realize that her grandmother had a whole life before her and her mother, and she couldn’t wait to find out as much as she could about the parts of her grandmother’s life that she had kept a secret. 

She checked her phone and felt her heart stop and start. Not only had three hours gone by as she’d been going through her grandmother’s things and boxing up rooms. She had over twenty texts from her husband. The last couple sounded worried and angry. He had also called her at least five times. In her panic to rush down the stairs, she toppled over a couple of boxes that were stacked at the bottom of the ladder to the attic in her rush to climb down. Her hands shook as she dialed her husband on her way out the front door. She placed the phone in between her shoulder and her chin as she locked the front door. She pulled on it three times, making sure it was locked behind her. Her blue Honda Civic waited patiently in the driveway. 

Becca’s husband, Owen, picked up. “Where the hell are you?”

“I told you. I’m at my grandma’s.”

“For the last three hours? Why don’t you sell that place already? It’s nothing but junk. You should hire some people to pack it up for you.”

“It’s nice going through her things. I feel like I’m getting to know her better.” She didn’t know why she felt the need to defend her grandmother, and she certainly wasn’t going to tell him that she enjoyed the time away from him. 

“Well, hurry home. I forgot to get groceries and I have to get some work done. Do you mind picking something up? What do you think about that Chinese take out place we got food from a week ago?”

“I can pick up food from there on the way home, no problem.” She didn’t point out that he never asked her what she wanted to eat. She would do what she could to keep him happy.

“Bye.”

He cut off the call before she could even muster a reply. She sighed and put her head against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath and straightening her thoughts. The call could have gone a lot worse. He could have yelled. He could have said cruel things, like he felt obligated to do usually. She sometimes felt like he could reach through the phone and wrap his hands around her throat if he wanted to. Sometimes she had to rear her imagination in. It looked like he was too stressed about work to offer much; he had only called because he was thinking about dinner and wanted to know where she was. She was fine. She could deal with this. She quickly put the car into gear and backed out of the driveway.

\--

Gavin called while Becca was on her way home, the Chinese food on the passenger seat beside her. A second grade teacher at her elementary school, he never failed to put a smile on her face when she was feeling down. And, boy, did she need a pick me up right now. She paused her baking podcast to answer, after a moment of hesitation. She didn’t know what to do with the information that these calls had become more frequent.

“Hello?” Becca greeted carefully.

“Hey, Becs!” Gavin sounded as cheery as ever. Becca was always taken aback by how ready he was to have a conversation with most everybody and made every person around him feel included. “Have you heard the latest news about dear old Mr. Treble?”

Mr. Treble was the principal at the elementary school they worked at. He was a bespeckled man who always wore dress shirts and pants and weird ties with weird stuff like little green aliens or avocados on them. His hands were always shaking. Becca could never tell if it was from fear of the children at the school or if it was from the coffee that he was constantly drinking out of his thermos. 

“No, I haven’t heard anything.”

“There’s a real life criminal running the school!”

“Are you for real or are you pulling my leg? Is this some creative project you’re working on with your kids?”

“I promise you this is one hundred percent the real deal. It was on the local news. And I saw it first hand. He was working late here at the school and he was arrested on campus. He looked nervous. He was as shifty as ever.” 

“Do you know why he was arrested?” Becca was biting her nails. She wasn’t one for surprises, and this was definitely unexpected.

“I’m not sure, but some of the teachers were talking. Someone asked the cops and they said it had something to do with changing test scores.”

“What’s going to happen to the school?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe they’ll bring in a substitute. But it’s not looking too good.” 

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“No problem. I’ll see you on Monday? Challenge you to a game of Jenga at lunch?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Bye, Gavin.” Becca hung up, her hands shaking. If it were true that Mr. Treble could be changing the kids’ test scores, there had to be a reason. To build up a better reputation for the school? What if he was trying to get more funding for the school? Did this put the school in danger of closing? She would have to wait to find out, but this definitely shook her up. She had enough on her plate with her grandmother’s recent passing, her husband’s bad moods, and trying to give her kids the best education. This would definitely be another distraction and she wasn’t looking forward to what might be uncovered about Mr. Treble’s criminal pursuits.

Becca pulled into her driveway and took her time before going into the house. She retrieved her mail and waved at Bill across the street, who was constantly watering his lawn and had tobacco-stained teeth she couldn’t help but stare at. Then she had to face the fact that she had to go in the house at some point. She quietly shut the door behind her and turned into the kitchen. Owen was sitting at the island, his laptop open in front of him. Becca peeked over his shoulder and saw that he was writing an email. She could also hear the tinny sound of his headphones blasting as he worked.

She purposely tossed the Chinese food and the mail on the counter with more force than necessary, just to get his attention and make it clear she wasn’t trying to sneak up on him. He jumped a bit, but took the headphones off. “Hey.”

“Hi. How has your day been?”

“It’s been alright. Just been working on this one project all day.” His eyes zeroed in on the Chinese food. “The Chinese food is here. Thank god. I’m starving.” He closed his laptop and started opening the takeout boxes. Becca picked a couple of plates out of the cupboards. They started eating, but it didn’t feel like they were even eating together. Owen was distant, quiet and kept looking at his phone. Becca kept trying to make conversation. 

“Everything okay with work?”

“Yeah, fine.” Yet again his eyes flicked to his phone. He kept picking it up and checking the screen.

“I’ve been thinking of starting a new art project with the kids on Monday or Tuesday. Dioramas with zoo animals. I’ll bring in some magazines and wooden sticks and maybe even some clay and they can make their favorite animals. What do you think?”

“Sounds good.” 

She was picking at her food, wondering how to start a conversation. When did talking to Owen become so hard? She couldn’t remember the last time they had been able to keep up a normal, pleasant dinner conversation. She was wondering what else she could try to say, when finally Owen’s head snapped up and he looked right at her. “I’ve been checking our bank records and I’ve been seeing that you’ve been shopping again.”

So this was why he kept checking his phone. That bank account app he was so obsessed with. 

“Yeah, but I haven’t been going crazy with it or anything. I’ve just bought some new shirts and art supplies for the kids.”

“You’ve been spending too much money. You know we’re not making enough to keep up with the house and car payments. I’ve been working my ass off to keep us afloat, and you go on these shopping sprees whenever you feel like it.”

She knew that she shouldn’t take the bait, but she couldn’t stop the anger from rising up inside of her. “You’re not the only one who works in this house, Owen.”

“I’m aware, but your job doesn’t pay nearly as much.”

“That doesn’t mean that what I’m doing for those kids is less important.”

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying that you have to ask me first.”

Becca’s breath felt caught in her chest. “It’s my money too.”

“You’re just not very good at managing money.”

“Are you saying I’m not responsible enough? I am an adult.” She felt the two of them shifting closer to one another, in a dark sort of dance. 

“You just have a lot on your plate, and you’re making things harder for yourself. Why haven’t you gotten rid of your grandmother’s house already? You hide away there all the time and you’re never at home. This place is a mess.” Owen’s face was turning blotchy, and Becca could feel her ears burning red. 

“That’s not my problem.”

“You’ve got to be here more. You’re always at your grandmother’s house or at school or who knows where. You have a responsibility to take care of this home. You have to do better.”

“I’m trying. I just have a lot on my plate.”

“Well, you’re not trying hard enough. Do better.”

Becca sat there, stunned and hurt and lost for words. She was lost in her head, feeling as if she was swimming right below the surface of a lake. She could see Owen’s lips moving, could tell there were more words coming out of his mouth, but it felt like there was a rush of water raining over her thoughts. She wanted to tell him to shove off, but she also wanted to prove herself, just as she always did when she was around him. She wanted to prove that she was good enough, but he would never give her the satisfaction. It was exhausting.

She finally pulled herself out of it and interrupted his ongoing insults. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that she left the room. She didn’t start crying until she reached the bedroom.


	2. Breathing Through a Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Becca is trying to find her inner strength, and some of that strength is coming from what she uncovers about her grandmother's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I don't think anybody is gonna read this story. But I had a lot of fun writing it for my class last quarter, and I love Becca as a character. I would like to write a sequel where Becca might get together with Gavin. Or at least find some support from him. To anyone who reads this: Thank you. I hope you like it. And I hope you find the strength to do what you are scared of.

Becca’s relief came in waves when she arrived at school on Monday morning. There was nothing she looked forward to more than teaching her kindergarten class and being around so many bright-minded children. There was no place she felt safer, she realized, as she pulled into a parking spot in front of the school. She slung her purse and a bag of art supplies over her shoulders, took a deep, refreshing breath of the morning air, and walked into her classroom. 

There were letters and numbers dancing on the walls in bright stickers, art creations on nearly every surface, picture books on display, art supplies spilling from bins, and sunshine streaming through the tall windows. It felt like home. She got to work pulling down the chairs from on top of the desks and reflected on what her lesson plan would be like for the day. She was so focused that she didn’t notice Gavin standing in the doorway until he knocked on the doorframe. 

“Hi, Becs.” Gavin wasn’t smiling for once. Usually he was full of energy and talked with his hands. Today they were tucked into his pockets.

“Hey. What’s up?” 

“I’m worried about the school. Have you heard the rumors?”  
Becca brushed the hair out of her eyes and tried to assess Gavin’s expression. He looked a little lost and his eyebrows were knit together. He was so different from the Gavin she was used to. 

“No, I just got here. I haven’t heard from anyone all weekend.”

“Some of the teachers think that the school might be shut down.”

“Are you serious? It can’t be that bad. Can’t they just hire a new principal?”

“Apparently there’s been a lot going on behind the scenes. The school is low on funding and Mr. Treble was trying to hide it for years. I don’t know if the school can handle such a huge scandal. And I really don’t know what’s going to happen if all the teachers at this school lose their jobs.”

“Unless we turn things around. We can’t let something like the school shutting down happen to these kids, they don’t deserve it.” Becca felt her heart race before reining it back in.

“Are you suggesting that all the teachers team up and work together to turn the school around?”

“Well…” Becca bit her lip. “That’s not not what I’m saying. I know it’s a little crazy to think that we could do something, but if we raise money and find someone to take his place… I mean someone who really wants this school to succeed and cares about these kids the same way that we do. I don’t see why we can’t at least try.”

“I’m completely down for this plan.” Gavin rubbed his hands together and smiled. “When are we getting started?”

“As soon as possible. We can both try to convince as many teachers as possible to meet us this Friday afternoon. It’ll give us time to prepare. We have to come up with some specific ideas.”

“Great! I already know a couple of teachers who will be on board.”

“We’ll talk about this later, okay? The kids are arriving.” Becca waved to Gavin. At least they were planning on doing something and she wouldn’t be sitting around. Her heart felt lighter, though it now fluttered nervously in anticipation. She greeted the kids with high fives as they entered the room, trying to stifle her excitement over her and Gavin’s plan. 

\--

When Becca got home from school, she was ready to take a nap. But Owen had other plans. He was sitting at the kitchen table, looking stony and angry. Becca wasn’t sure if she wanted to know what was on his mind, but she wasn’t sure if she could just walk away.

“Hi,” she tried nervously.

“Hi,” he grunted in response.

“Umm… is everything okay?”

“Not really.” He looked like a stranger, glassy eyed and perched on his chair. There was an empty bottle of whiskey on the table next to him. 

She tried to keep her hands from shaking. “What’s going on?”

“I know you’re seeing someone behind my back.”

Becca couldn’t keep the tremor out of her voice. “What are you talking about?”

“I’ve seen the phone records. Who is this guy that you’ve been talking to?”

“Who? Do you mean Gavin? He’s a friend. He teaches at my school.” Becca didn’t want to finish this conversation, or argument, or whatever this was. 

“You sound like a lot more than friends if you ask me.” Owen stood up, towering over her. Becca took a step back.

“Well, really, I didn’t ask you.”

Owen grabbed Becca’s arms and pinned her wrists together. “Don’t be disrespectful. I can see right through you. I should’ve known that you’re nothing more than a whore.”

“Let go of me. I didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Spit hit her in the face and before she could do anything about it her head snapped back as his hand collided with her cheek. She slipped backward and her arms came free. But, in the momentum, she hit her head on the table with the phone. She jumped up ungracefully and ran from the room. She couldn’t hear Owen coming down the hallway after her, but she slammed the guest bedroom door shut behind her and locked it anyway. 

Becca went into the closet and ruffled through the top for the old hat box where she had hid her grandmother’s old things. She needed to hold it all in her hands. She thought maybe it would ground her when the room felt like it was spinning. 

Becca was angry, even though she tried to hold it inside of herself. She was angry at her grandmother for leaving her, angry at Mr. Treble for leaving such a mess behind, and angry at her husband for always feeling the need to control her. He was always obsessing over their bank accounts, their friends, and her appearance when they left the house. And now it had escalated to this. She wanted it to end. 

She looked at the photo album, the diary and some old yellowed love letters that had fallen out of it when she had opened it. She read enough to realize they were written by her grandfather, a navy pilot who had gone missing years before. She had never met him and it had felt like an invasion of their privacy at first, but the letters had warmed a part of her heart. 

Dear Aki,   
I can’t wait to see you again. I’ve been counting down the days until I can see all your sunny faces. How have the last couple of months been treating you? I hope the kids are doing well…  
Love,  
Marty

When had Rebecca’s husband last been so kind or genuinely asked how her day had gone? All he cared about was work. She didn’t even know if she wanted that to change, because the time away gave her the chance to sift through her grandmother’s memories. All this searching had made her nostalgic for the times when her and her husband had planned for their future, their eyes bright, her talking with her hands. They had once wanted children, but the thought of bringing children into this house brought the feeling of a heavy stone deep in the pit of her stomach. At this point, her grandmother’s mementos felt more real and more permanent than the love that her and her husband had once shared.

She had kept everything hidden in an old striped hat box at the back of her closet. She was worried her husband might think it was junk and throw it away.

Reading the diary was slow work. Though she understood the language, there were still words she was unfamiliar with. She flipped through the Japanese-American dictionary as she read page after page.

May 7, 1955

Today I got a job as a waitress at a diner. It’s not much, but it’s nice to be making my own living in this new country. I’m starting to feel like a citizen and as if this is my home. I miss my mother, my sisters and my brother terribly, but I will finally be able to send some money to my mother soon. 

July 12, 1955

A man came into the diner today and introduced himself as Marty. He has the brightest green eyes, dimples, and something about him that drew me in. It’s been awhile since I’ve met someone so easy to talk to. We talked until my boss told me to get back to work, but he was cracking jokes and I could feel a connection. I’m hoping that he comes back. He left me a $30 tip and his phone number. I think I’m going to call him. 

January 2, 1957

Spent New Year’s with Marty. We went to his mom’s house and brought Phoebe with us. I have never been so happy starting a new year, and it’s not because last year was bad. I just have so much to look forward to this year. Every year that I spend with Marty just keeps getting better. Our love grows every day. 

April 21, 1958

Gave birth to another baby girl. I have named her Rose after Marty’s mother. Though I have none of my own family here, Marty’s parents have accepted me as a daughter…

October 5, 1960

Marty’s been promoted to Lieutenant in the Navy. I’m so proud of him. 

Becca flipped through the journal and found that there were a couple of months missing in 1963. When her grandmother’s writing returned, it sounded melancholy. She realized this must have been when her grandfather had gone missing in the war. 

December 24, 1963

How does someone continue living as if nothing has happened when the first thing has happened? My children ask for their father and I don’t know what to tell them. Some days it’s hard to get out of bed, but I know that I have to for my children. I know I have to be brave for them.

Becca thought there was no way that her grandmother could have gone through that and not ended up with pieces of her missing. Becca couldn’t imagine losing one of the best parts of herself to something so horrific as a war, and to never know what happened. After all, her grandfather’s body had never been recovered and her grandmother had gone on to wonder for the rest of her life if he was somewhere out there. To have so many unanswered questions and to put on a brave face to the rest of the world, Becca didn’t know how her grandmother had done it. Reading these entries had given her the sense that she hardly had known the woman that her grandmother had been, because the woman she had known had always been so strong and confident. This made her feel more human.

It also made Becca realize that maybe she could be more like her grandmother. That same anger and anguish and the ongoing pain that life brings, she could use that to her advantage. She could put it all in a box inside of her for safe-keeping and address it when she might be alone, but she could put on a brave mask like the one that her grandmother wore. And maybe people might take her seriously the same way everybody in her family respected her grandmother, with her fierceness and her protective power. Becca remembered all the times that her grandmother had stood up for her, had defended her and made sure that no one hurt her. Could she do the same thing for her kindergarten kids? She found that she wanted to find out her true potential, and that could only be found through effort.

She also knew that she wanted to be treated right. Reading about her grandmother’s whirlwind romance with Marty had reminded her of all the things that had fallen apart in her marriage to Owen. He had hardly given her attention, always focused on his work, and when he did he was intrusive, untrusting and downright cruel. She had feared for her life on more than one occasion. His screaming could go on for hours, as he stormed around the house and threw furniture. And she was starting to come to the realization that she didn’t deserve that - no one did - and maybe it was time for everything to change. She had finally had enough. If this plan worked, she had a real shot at a life. And it was a life that she wanted to live. 

Becca marched into school the next day with a new spring in her step and a determination sparked by her grandmother’s strength. Along with a notebook full of ideas about how to turn the school around. She reminded herself that her grandmother had gone through years of confusion and pain, but she had showed resilience. Becca reasoned she could show the same strength for the sake of her kids and to make herself proud. She was done trying to make her husband proud of her, trying to prove herself to be worthy of his love and to live her life the way she wanted to live it. When Owen called her that morning, she hung up the call without answering. This was something she had to do for herself, but not by herself. She knew she would be surrounded by a hard-working group of individuals who would also do anything for these kids. She wouldn’t be doing any of this alone. 

Whatever came next, she was ready.


End file.
